Mindfulness and self-awareness are partners. Mindfulness notices; self-awareness interprets. Together, they help us:
Without mindfulness, self-awareness can slip into self-criticism. Without self-awareness, mindfulness can stay surface-level. Together, they create clarity, compassion, and choice that play out in everyday life.
For example, I attended a meeting this week with a group of very busy women who were all trying to outline their KPIs for the upcoming quarter. The meeting coordinators started by breaking us into teams and asking us to take 5-7 minutes each to talk about why we were there and what being part of that group meant to us personally. This was a very touchy-feely ask for several of the women.
The brilliance in this move was to invite self-awareness into the room. By outlining what drove us to participation in that group (mindfulness) and what those drives motivated us to do with our energy (self-awareness), we were able to connect with each other better and engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations that led to a better understanding of what we wanted to accomplish and how we could lean on each other to do so.
This broke the cycle of “let’s sit and talk about talking about things and never actually getting anything accomplished” that had plagued this organization for years.
If mindfulness teaches us to notice what’s happening in the present moment without judgment, self-awareness is the next step. It helps us understand why those feelings are present, and how those feelings shape thoughts, words, and behavior. For those emotional intelligence ninjas, self-awareness also includes how those words and behaviors influence the words and actions of others.
Your voice isn’t just sound waves leaving your mouth. For women, voice shows up in the words we write and the stories we post on social media. It’s the causes we support and the leadership roles we step into. This is why women and self-awareness are inseparable. Your voice is shaped by the stories you believe about yourself and your lived experience as a woman and a leader.
Self-awareness lets you uncover those hidden stories and ask:
Without self-awareness, we risk defaulting to silence, overreaction, or words that miss the heart of what we really mean. We also miss out on one of the most underrated emotional intelligence skills for women leaders.
One common story told today is that emotion has no place in business. If you buy into that, you give away your power. Emotions exist, whether you want them to or not. Pretending otherwise is like pretending you can ignore every notification bubble on your phone and call yourself ‘caught up.
You may as well give yourself the chance to pause, choose, and speak in a way that aligns with who you are and who you are becoming.
Taking time to share my story with those women in that meeting helped me learn something about myself. I thought I joined a volunteer organization to help women achieve economic and social parity. I discovered, almost by accident, that what really mattered to me was helping women develop the ability to make choices for themselves. Yes, I wanted to teach the skills to get that job, make that money, and leave that mark on the world, but more than that, I want women to be able to choose which job, how much money, and what mark.
When we talk about women and voice, three tightly connected issues rise to the surface: imposter syndrome, the cost of speaking up, and the myth that only insecure women hold back. It’s critical to understand these 3 things separately and how they play off each other to hold women down.
Imposter syndrome keeps us small. It’s the voice inside our heads whispering that we don’t belong, that we’re not enough, that sooner or later someone will “find us out”, and here’s the kicker: some people want women to stay there. Because if you’re doubting yourself, you’re not standing tall. You’re not raising your hand, sharing your ideas, asking for what you need, or challenging the status quo. Imposter syndrome kills efficacy and keeps women in line.
But even the strongest, most capable women hold back their voices. The cost of speaking up is real. In today’s political and social climate, I’ve heard it again and again: women are afraid to stand tall in short rooms. They’re afraid to ask for help or to claim their space. The risk of being dismissed, punished, or labeled “too much” feels too high. Staying small becomes survival in systems that aren’t always safe for women’s truth.
And that’s why we need to bust the myth that only insecure women struggle to speak up. Strong women, women who command rooms, lead teams, and carry influence, still calculate the risk of using their voice. They know there are consequences, sometimes heavy ones. Holding back often means they’re making a strategic choice. Or that they haven’t figured out yet what that strategic voice is.
This is where self-awareness changes everything. Self-awareness helps us untangle these three challenges and choose with clarity:
Self-awareness helps us read the room, understand how we’re being perceived, and choose how to conduct ourselves in a way that aligns with our values. It reminds us that not every room deserves our truth, and that the right rooms do exist. The rooms where our voices will be welcomed, valued, and supported are out there. With self-awareness, we’re better equipped to find them, enter them, and speak with strength.
This is the gift of self-awareness. It doesn’t erase double standards or unfair consequences, but it does give us clarity. It helps us decide how, when, and where we use our voice so we can stay aligned with our values in the process.
Here’s the surprising thing about self-awareness: it lets us see patterns in ourselves and others, and when we recognize those patterns, we can start to predict our own reactions before they even happen.
Think about it: if you know that every time you feel criticized, your instinct is to shut down, then the next time it happens you can catch yourself in the moment. You can choose whether to shut down, speak up, or find a new response altogether.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about giving yourself a “sneak preview” of what’s coming so you can prepare your voice.
Self-awareness says:
That’s the kind of insight that changes conversations and futures, and that is why women and self-awareness are inseparable in leadership. Women in leadership who have a strong ability to leverage self-awareness also have the ability to see around corners and anticipate needs for their teams. This increases trust and influence.
Whether you lead a team or manage yourself, once you see your patterns clearly, the next gift of self-awareness is choice. And choice is what transforms your voice from reactive to intentional.
One of the biggest myths about voice is that speaking up is always the “right” choice. But self-awareness reminds us that choosing silence can be just as powerful when it’s by design.
There’s a huge difference between staying quiet because fear silenced us versus staying quiet because we chose not to spend our voice in that moment.
Self-awareness allows us to say:
Your voice is valuable. You don’t have to give it to everyone, everywhere, all the time. When you do share your voice, it might be helpful to try expressing gratitude.
Here’s something you might not expect: gratitude makes your voice stronger. It is the hallmark of emotional intelligence for women that transforms relationships, reduces imposter syndrome, and helps us lead with clarity instead of fear.
When you express gratitude, you shift energy. Gratitude softens self-doubt and creates connection. It’s hard to stay trapped in imposter syndrome when you’re genuinely acknowledging the good around you.
It doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It means recognizing strength alongside struggle. It’s a voice practice that says: I see clearly, and I choose to honor what’s good here, too.
It opens doors that would otherwise be bolted shut.
Think about it. Would you rather listen to the person who is always trying to show you how to do things their way (even if they do truly believe they are helping you) or the person who acknowledges your struggle and thanks you for showing up?
Odds are, you’ll listen better to the person who sees and supports you, and others will listen better to you when you are the person who leads with gratitude.
As a mother of teenage girls, I’ve learned that the best way to diffuse a situation before the emotional fuses are lit is to lead with gratitude. If I can find one thing to genuinely thank my daughter for, it’s easier for me to remain calm and centered. And when it’s time to get back to the mess at hand, we are both more receptive to learning from and working with each other.
Gratitude for people can also help navigate the complexity of why we speak at all: our motivations.
Self-awareness also reveals that our motivations aren’t always pure or simple. Let’s be honest. Most of us have spoken up just to keep the peace at a family dinner, or stayed quiet in a work meeting because we didn’t want to be ‘that woman.’ We learned, probably very young, that performing in certain ways gets us what we want. (The words cute, flirty, and playful come to mind.)
Sometimes, instead of performing, we speak to conform to the pre-determined roles we have been allotted. We justify that conformity as “faking it ‘till we make it” or “just doing what’s needed” to get by.
And sometimes we speak with deep intention aligned with purpose.
The words may sound the same, but the energy is different, which is why self-awareness is so critical in helping us notice which one is driving us.
When we understand our motivations, we can better choose how and when we engage with others in order to align our actions with our values.
Think about how you engage with your family members and why you do it. If you show up to family gatherings because you’re supposed to, the conversations are more likely to be strained or artificial because you’re trying to keep the peace, vie for acceptance, or simply get through the evening without a massive argument breaking out.
However, if you show up to honor a loved one and their memory and legacy, the exact same actions (attending the gathering and talking to family members) are now being driven by an entirely different motivation and the experience is entirely different.
Self-awareness helps us understand those motivations and our reactions to these situations. Even when the words and behaviors are identical, the intention shapes the impact.
But just because it sounds simple, doesn’t mean it’s easy. Or predictable.
The truth is, self-awareness isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it shows us things we didn’t realize we were doing, like holding back, deflecting, or self-silencing to protect ourselves.
And sometimes we dodge self-awareness like it’s an awkward ex at the grocery store. Deep down, we know it might show us habits or patterns we don’t want to admit, like becoming aggressive, punishing others, or not liking people we’re supposed to love.
But those are often the exact truths that free our voices the most and when we dare to look, those realizations become our doorway to growth.
Embracing self-awareness is like finally reading the owner’s manual to your own voice and giving up on trying to DIY your life using someone else’s Pinterest feed. It’s about honesty. And honesty, even when it stings, makes our voice more authentic.
Here’s a practical tool we introduced in the workshop: the Voice Log.
Each day, jot down:
Over time, patterns emerge. You’ll notice when you feel powerful, when you feel small, and how your inner stories influence your outer voice.
This log isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about increasing your confidence through self-awareness, listening to yourself, and learning to understand your patterns. It is a simple, daily practice of building confidence through self-awareness that will help you notice triggers, clarify emotions, and step into leadership with intention.
Because when you listen to yourself, your voice grows clearer.
Self-awareness is a practice, not a destination. Some days it feels like a superpower; other days it feels like staring into a mirror we’d rather avoid. Both are part of the journey.
The good news? You don’t have to walk it alone.
That’s why we host our Invisible to Unstoppable groups and Women’s Circles. These are spaces where women come together to practice tools like mindfulness and self-awareness in real time.
If this post resonated, I invite you to join our next group.
Because your voice is too important to leave on mute. Don’t spend another week second-guessing yourself when you could be practicing these tools with a community of women who get it.
